Devonport Hash House Harriers

December 9, 2011

Up & Cumming from Burnie Trash

LoonRhasH combined with Burnie Hash is having a pseudo-festive stroll commencing Sunday December 11th at 5.30pm from the old cemetery at Penguin. On On will be at the Thai restaurant in Arnold Street, and in deference to this, it has been decreed that everyone should wear a tie.
Monday's Devonport R*n Dec 12th 6.30pm is being set by Dint from Myrtle Hole along Shale Road out of Latrobe close to the Platypus viewing area.
Burnie Hash's infamous Christmas R*n on Sunday December 18th leaves from The Makers Workshop car park at 5pm, with the On On at Urang and Phay Wray's house. Dress in your best Christmas attire, bring a plate of festive food to share and a wrapped gift value approx. $8, so you can sit on Santa Phay's lap and jingle her bells. Bring extra drinks for a big night out.
Devonport Hash will be doing a similar seasonal gig on Monday 19th, 6.30pm starting from the picnic shelter at the Forth football ground. Bring food and gifts...

Tinsel was accosted by this impostor riding through Latrobe CBD today. Turns out it was Killer, disguised as an old feller, trying to pick up some Hasherettes...

December 8, 2011

Killer's Hill

Killer's runs always are pretty popular. No one ever knows exactly what it is about Killer's place, it certainly isn't the running around Forth. We went up one hill, down the same way, up the next hill and down the same way. Dini kept her runkeeper on for another hour to get some more distance, and so she tallied up 4.8 kilometers for our up-and-downhill effort.

LB made sure we all got really well fed, which reminded us why we love Killer's runs so much. It isn't just the rustique historic Grange Surrounds. Coffee surprised us as the mega coffee machine has been retired. Yes guys, it was still present but the complex machinery that sends out jets of steams, vibrates the house, rattles the teeth, and breathes black fire with its rotary pump, heat exchanger and brass piped "sex" part of the coffee industry. It was replaced by a humble looking, no fuss no mess, but very effective little Nespresso machine (check Aldi's imitation if you happen to go to the mainland).

Next run set by Dint from Myrtle Hole along Shale Road out of Latrobe close to the Platypus viewing area.

Now for the BIG NEWS :

Xmas Run - 19th December @ Forth football ground @ 6.30pm.

Dress: 'Xmas',
Bring food to share,
Bring wrapped gift for about $8 and
Grog supplied.

December 1, 2011

Egyptian Style AGPU

Spot the Burnie infiltrators vying for positions!

FannyMay and GoneAgain hosted the Wicked themed AGPU. As we know from various recent elections, it is fraught with danger. The undemocratic Hash style of 'election' would have caused security concerns and subsequent travel advisory updates for travelers had it been made public. All DHASH members arrived at the black ballooned and spider infested secret voting location in James Street. No voting cards or boxes were present. All Hashers were donning their most striking Wicked outfits, obviously trying to avoid being chosen for positions in the Hash Mismanagement Team.

The night started with a wicked run set by GoneAgain, without any Rambo/Whimp junctions, forcing the most crippled of cripples to go the full distance to find the Piss Stop. Not all bodies made their way to the back of GoneAgain's car, which was strategically parked in the shadows of the Gateway Hotel and the BWS Bottle-shop. Unrestrained Hashers could (and did) abuse the gamblers using the back-entrance of the hotel, where gamblers leave babies unattended in cars and drag gagged teenagers through the door. Long Island Iced tea and Port was on offer from the Lancer. Laced Wicked lolly-pops failed to do their advertised job of permanently staining tongues, but other than that the run went well.

Actual runners made it to the OnOn to enjoy the spoils of Fanny May's kitchen battles. Out came the Flamin Balls with Hot Dick nibbles. Almost all were devoured before the walkers arrived 10 minutes later. Deviled Sausages followed, with baked Vulture Legs, Spidered Cold Sores (with mayonnaise instead of Coleslaw sauce) and Dragon Spit Trifle for desert.

Elections were a shambles. Called off the last minute due to the inability of the various factions to agree on abominations. Rebels among us immediately prepared for battle, vowing to overthrow the ruling extremists minority mismanagement, and take over the proceedings. Self elected clan leader Flasher in an unusual moment of decisiveness decided, not without a hint of bias, who was to do what, and among many cheers the positions were most unfairly adjudicated between the non-believers. All results are not final, and nothing will appear in print till the powers that be have decided on the final results. Results may change without notice.

In any case no casualties were reported on the scene of the elections, but many small fires were put out throughout the night.

Devonport Hash lives on to run again! Next week's run will be from Killers place in Forth.

November 24, 2011

Patrolling the Don with Dyke

Ready to be WICKED next week...

Hare Dyke still has altitude sickness it seems. Not only did he not have Parmesan cheese at the gourmet OnOn, he also didn’t give us a contiguous trail to run. This of course may or may not have anything to do with the down-down given to Crow for purposely coverig up flour trail in the Don Woods.

The sizeable pack made the Don Woods seemingly insecure to the odd members of the public who saw us patrolling randomly in small groups going in various direction. We reassembled dazed and confused back at the Pool where we had started. Our monk had kept the drizzle at bay, and so still dry we jumped into our vehicles and joined the procession to Dykes place.

Wonderful prizes were hidden in Flasher’s bag, but none came out. Some poor man’s porn with underage images was flogged off in exchange for bits of coloured paper with numbers. It wasn’t even rigged. This can only mean one thing: Flasher is saving himself for the WICKED Annual General Pissup at Fanny May’s house at 10 James Street, Devonport. Dress WICKEDLY, and we will traverse Devonport in style. Remember it is mostly daylight now, so the peeping public may catch a glimpse, so make it extra bizarre, ahum, extra WICKED!

November 17, 2011

Birthday Part-ay

A fine night saw a decent sized pack set off into the golden dusk. Rather than follow trail they were directed by notes handed out by Trailmaster Dyke. Himself recently returned from Nepal and now an altitude junkie, it was inevitable that we should meet with Dyke for our piss stop on the highest point above Ulverstone at the end of Upper Maud Street. Crab was excited to see a van there, assuming it would be serving free soup. Crow thought it might be the van which comes to pick him up when his bike breaks down. Highbeam was hoping for icecream cones and dagwoods, while Dini was already dreaming of a tasty espresso. But the van had none of these services to offer. It contained birthday boy Killer looking younger than ever, and the boot was stocked with gourmet treats and proper popping fizz i.e. more than $4.95 a dozen, Flash...
Next stop was Cheese's house in Amherst Street, and it was Thrust who went for the altitude this time, checking out Cheese's new glassed-in dick. Very fetching. Last stop was the waterfront, and the walkers were poured into the van for the return trip home.
After a meal of footlongs, Pioneer trounced the sinners with a drink and a good scolding. Somewhere along the way she was pantsed and given the hub, but the graphic details have been obliterated from the scribe's mind to protect the innocent. Birthday cake for Killer on half a century, and Dini for a couple more. Rigged raffle redistributed some treasures, and returned Cheese's ugly little garden ornament to its rightful place in obscurity.
Next week's r*n Monday November 21st at 6.30pm is from the Devonport Swimming Pool, and afterwards at Dyke's place, 2/64 Tugrah Road, Devonport.
On! On!
Dini

OFFICE BEARERS

Grandmaster – Flasher Joint masters – Tracka & Tinsel Hash hops – Cheese Hash lip – Gyno Lower lip – Crow Hash cash – Bald Eagle Hash monk – Killer Rig raffle – Crow Hash Flash – Rumpole Hash web – Gone again On sec – Shagadelic Trailmasters – Maggie, Flasher Who needs a Hash Monk, haven't had one for years and the sun still shines...

And incidentally,....

1. HASH HOPS: This is unquestionably the most important position in the hash. The Beermeister has the weighty responsibility of making sure that the lifeblood of hashing is available at each and every hash event. He keeps constant vigilance to find the cheapest spirituous fermenti available, always has coolers in the trunk of his car, cases of beer in his garage, and reliably returns the empty keg to get another full one for the next hash. While this might be a "pain in the ass" job, it's undoubtedly the most important one to the hash.

2. GRAND MASTER: The head hasher. The chairman of the board. The big cheese. The HMFIC. The guiding light. Gispert's legacy. The GM is not simply a figure head for the hash, rather (s)he personifies the hash's character (or lack thereof.) (S)he leads with a dynamic strength that permeates the fabric of the organization. Both directly, and through the hash officers, (s)he gives inspiration, direction, and vision to all. This position ranks only below Beermeister, Hash Cash, Hash Mouth, Hash Flash, and On-Sec in real importance to the hash.

3. HASH HAWKER or HABERDASHER: This is a person who has a flair for fashion, a head for business (who said head?), and the showmanship of P.T. Barnum. (S)he's responsible for the design, procurement, warehousing, merchandising, and vending of items of apparel and various trinkets to the hash. Prior flea market or circus midway experience preferred.

4. HARE RAISER: The Hare Raiser makes sure that there's a hare (or hares) for each hash, and that the start location is known to the On-Sec well in advance of hash day for publicity purposes. The Hare Raiser IS the hare if (s)he can't find anyone else to do it.

5. HASH CASH: The holder of the purse-strings. Someone needs to dash about the start of each hash begging for money. Someone has to keep track of what comes in and what goes out (commonly referred to as "the old in and out.") These generally unappreciated duties fall on the shoulders of the Hash Cash. This trustworthy soul must withstand the whining of the Hares who have overspent, the whimpering of those who forgot their fees, and the interrogations of those who mistakenly think there should be some sort of accounting for hash funds.

6. HASH FLASH: The person who captures for posterity all embarrassing hash moments on film. The hash flash must have an acute sense of the absurd to know what to take photos of, and also a small degree of reliability to bring a camera, film, take pictures, have them developed and put only the finest thereof into the sacred photo album.

7. HASH HARLOT: A trashy wench who has seen the dark side of hashing... and likes it! One with a lust for life who, revels in being the butt of the jester's ribald wit, the object of the songster's bawdy lyric, and the centrepiece of sensual repartee at all hash functions.

8. TRAIL MASTER or HASH HORN: Equipment requirements: A bugle or other appropriate wind instrument. Performance venue: The hash trail. Musical ability: Optional.

9. LIP : The hash mouth runs the official business at the On-On with an iron hand. (S)he must be loud, clear, passionate, articulate, humorous and possess an uncommon ability to think on his feet. It also helps if (s)he speaks English.

10. HASHIT KEEPER: This is arguably the most complicated position within the hash hierarchy. The responsibility surrounds custody of a large cardboard box (or entire house) filled with the flotsam and jetsam of past hashes. Precisely why this crap is retained is a mystery shrouded in the mythology of hashdom. However, the hashit itself rarely makes it to the hash, although the custodian is usually there himself. This reinforces the argument that remembering to bring the hashit is probably beyond the cognitive ability of your average hasher.

11. ON-SEC: This position is the masochist's dream. (S)he struggles with piles of paper, miles of computer wire, and might attempt to occasionally produce a Hound Directory or Hash Trash to keep the hash members somewhat informed. (S)he is the principal "outside" representative maintaining the Harrier.Net Worldwide WebSite, the hash membership data base. Boring stuff to say the least.

12. RELIGIOUS ADVISOR: Keeper of the faith. Enforcer of the scriptures. This is the hasher who has seen the light (Bud light) and can taste in his soul the true spirit of Hashing. The religious advisor spreads the word and inspires the zest and zeal of the hash in all participants. Any hasher found transgressing the spirit of hashing is disciplined by the RA. (S)e is the keeper of the sacred Laws of Hashing and comes up with sufficiently plausible lies to cover any serious questions of propriety of actions within the hash.

13. SONGMEISTER: This is a hasher with no self-respect. (S)he never lacks for a song suitable to the occasion. His songs are risqué, lewd, and vulgar. The Songmeister speaks with other hashers and hashes to acquire songs to add to the hash hymnal. The mission is to explore new tunes and new celebrations. To boldly go where no Songmeister has gone before (pardon the split infinitive.)