Devonport Hash House Harriers

October 20, 2011

Awkward Orchids

Well, so much for Tracka's anticipated gentle stroll around the orchid reserve... the little pack was wantonly cast into a wasteland of ankle-snapping ditches, razor-edged tree stumps and soft tussocks which gave way to knee deep mud when trodden on. After this outburst of bastardry, trail returned to the gravel road and, for the wa*kers, followed a slurry of forestry tracks home. The r*nners dove off across the railway line into the never never, eventually returning none the worse for wear. A Bit of This and Dini enjoyed a stroll through the reserve whilst they waited for the r*nners, but there didn't seem to be too may orchids in flower. On back to Bells Parade for a lacadaisical circle 'cos no one could really be fecked. Rigged raffle had prizes enough for sixty, but not everyone won something. (lucky b*ggers) Tinsel won an out of the date condom which she thought was edible if only she could get the packet open. Flasher took the hub home again to remind him to give it to Mabel.
Next week's r*n 6.30pm Monday 24th October is being set by High Beam and Mullet from 23 Taroona Street, Hawley Beach.
On On
Dini

Roadkill and Raffle Collection

Our Adopt-a-Highway date is 1:30PM (for 2PM start) this Saturday (22 October) everyone!!

We need you this Saturday at the Latrobe Caltex Service station on the highway for a couple of hours. Rod from Volunteers Australia will be there with the AdoptaHighway van and he will equip us with the necessary safety equipment. Just bring a bottle of water, good shoes and a hat! Anything we find that may be suitable for the rigged raffle has to be passed on to Flasher, and roadkill goes to first finders.

Bitofthis and GoneAgain will bring the Barbie to help us recover with a snag and a refreshing ale after the grueling two hour event. There will also be an opportunity to grill any roadkill you may have found.

GoneAgain---

October 11, 2011

Home by a Nose

Dint had a very small field of Hashers gallop around the racecourse on a dead track made of old mouldy minced up carpet and sodden brillo pads. Not happy with this level of torture he then sent us up the steep muddy tracks of Kelcey Tier in search of the Lizard. He then appeared on trail in a turd-coloured car so badly designed that there was no room in the boot to carry booze for a piss stop! Back at the On On he lit a fire so toxic we could not get near it for fear of birth defects, and when it burned down far enough to get close, he made it rain. It's a good thing Koff fed and entertained us so beautifully, or the night could have been a complete loss!
Next week's run Monday 17th at 6.30pm is being set by Black Tracka from Henry Somerset Reserve, with the On On back at Bells Parade, Latrobe.
And don't forget LoonRhasH this Wednesday 12th, 6.30ish at the Edgewater, East Devonport.
On On
Dini

October 6, 2011

Dell Lucky

Bald Eagle set us a tortuous trail tiptoe-ing through the ti-tree tracks of Don Reserve. With twilight plummeting to a conclusion, we arrived back at Dell Luck to find a plethora of pizzas awaiting us, courtesy of culinary giant Mabel. After a very Cheesy circle and a very Flashy raffle it got dark and we all p*ssed off.
Next week's r*n is being set by Equestrian Entrepreneur Dint from the Spreyton Racecourse, Durkins Road, Spreyton. Monday October 10th, 6.30 pm.
And don't forget LoonRhasH at the Edgewater, East Devonport on Wednesday October 12th, 6.30ish pm.

On On Dini

September 27, 2011

Medal-winning Boredom

Cheese set us a run through the Ulverstone Streets with little floury aitches, just so we would not confuse them with last week's TdP trail. This worked nicely for everyone except Flasher, who could not find any trail, old or new. After waiting out in the cold for a good 20 minutes in the pathetic hope someone would care enough to come looking for him, he gave in and legged it home. Meanwhile the pack had violated Cheese's fridge and were warm and toasty in front of the fire. Footy franks and pies set the classy tone of the evening's entertainment, a night of squinting at an extremely analogue ancient TV perched above the toilet door. The object? To try and spot a bit of decent cleavage among a sea of neanderthal Bronlow Medal contestants. At Round 12 the boredom reached excruciat, and about half the pack deserted. The stayers endured it to the bitter end, establishing that none of them had won the sweep. Still there was beer and chocolate cake so it wasn't all bad.
Next week Bald Eagle will kick off the first run of the summer, Monday October 3rd, 6.30 pm, starting from Dell Luck Reserve at Don.
On On
Dini

OFFICE BEARERS

Grandmaster – Flasher Joint masters – Tracka & Tinsel Hash hops – Cheese Hash lip – Gyno Lower lip – Crow Hash cash – Bald Eagle Hash monk – Killer Rig raffle – Crow Hash Flash – Rumpole Hash web – Gone again On sec – Shagadelic Trailmasters – Maggie, Flasher Who needs a Hash Monk, haven't had one for years and the sun still shines...

And incidentally,....

1. HASH HOPS: This is unquestionably the most important position in the hash. The Beermeister has the weighty responsibility of making sure that the lifeblood of hashing is available at each and every hash event. He keeps constant vigilance to find the cheapest spirituous fermenti available, always has coolers in the trunk of his car, cases of beer in his garage, and reliably returns the empty keg to get another full one for the next hash. While this might be a "pain in the ass" job, it's undoubtedly the most important one to the hash.

2. GRAND MASTER: The head hasher. The chairman of the board. The big cheese. The HMFIC. The guiding light. Gispert's legacy. The GM is not simply a figure head for the hash, rather (s)he personifies the hash's character (or lack thereof.) (S)he leads with a dynamic strength that permeates the fabric of the organization. Both directly, and through the hash officers, (s)he gives inspiration, direction, and vision to all. This position ranks only below Beermeister, Hash Cash, Hash Mouth, Hash Flash, and On-Sec in real importance to the hash.

3. HASH HAWKER or HABERDASHER: This is a person who has a flair for fashion, a head for business (who said head?), and the showmanship of P.T. Barnum. (S)he's responsible for the design, procurement, warehousing, merchandising, and vending of items of apparel and various trinkets to the hash. Prior flea market or circus midway experience preferred.

4. HARE RAISER: The Hare Raiser makes sure that there's a hare (or hares) for each hash, and that the start location is known to the On-Sec well in advance of hash day for publicity purposes. The Hare Raiser IS the hare if (s)he can't find anyone else to do it.

5. HASH CASH: The holder of the purse-strings. Someone needs to dash about the start of each hash begging for money. Someone has to keep track of what comes in and what goes out (commonly referred to as "the old in and out.") These generally unappreciated duties fall on the shoulders of the Hash Cash. This trustworthy soul must withstand the whining of the Hares who have overspent, the whimpering of those who forgot their fees, and the interrogations of those who mistakenly think there should be some sort of accounting for hash funds.

6. HASH FLASH: The person who captures for posterity all embarrassing hash moments on film. The hash flash must have an acute sense of the absurd to know what to take photos of, and also a small degree of reliability to bring a camera, film, take pictures, have them developed and put only the finest thereof into the sacred photo album.

7. HASH HARLOT: A trashy wench who has seen the dark side of hashing... and likes it! One with a lust for life who, revels in being the butt of the jester's ribald wit, the object of the songster's bawdy lyric, and the centrepiece of sensual repartee at all hash functions.

8. TRAIL MASTER or HASH HORN: Equipment requirements: A bugle or other appropriate wind instrument. Performance venue: The hash trail. Musical ability: Optional.

9. LIP : The hash mouth runs the official business at the On-On with an iron hand. (S)he must be loud, clear, passionate, articulate, humorous and possess an uncommon ability to think on his feet. It also helps if (s)he speaks English.

10. HASHIT KEEPER: This is arguably the most complicated position within the hash hierarchy. The responsibility surrounds custody of a large cardboard box (or entire house) filled with the flotsam and jetsam of past hashes. Precisely why this crap is retained is a mystery shrouded in the mythology of hashdom. However, the hashit itself rarely makes it to the hash, although the custodian is usually there himself. This reinforces the argument that remembering to bring the hashit is probably beyond the cognitive ability of your average hasher.

11. ON-SEC: This position is the masochist's dream. (S)he struggles with piles of paper, miles of computer wire, and might attempt to occasionally produce a Hound Directory or Hash Trash to keep the hash members somewhat informed. (S)he is the principal "outside" representative maintaining the Harrier.Net Worldwide WebSite, the hash membership data base. Boring stuff to say the least.

12. RELIGIOUS ADVISOR: Keeper of the faith. Enforcer of the scriptures. This is the hasher who has seen the light (Bud light) and can taste in his soul the true spirit of Hashing. The religious advisor spreads the word and inspires the zest and zeal of the hash in all participants. Any hasher found transgressing the spirit of hashing is disciplined by the RA. (S)e is the keeper of the sacred Laws of Hashing and comes up with sufficiently plausible lies to cover any serious questions of propriety of actions within the hash.

13. SONGMEISTER: This is a hasher with no self-respect. (S)he never lacks for a song suitable to the occasion. His songs are risqué, lewd, and vulgar. The Songmeister speaks with other hashers and hashes to acquire songs to add to the hash hymnal. The mission is to explore new tunes and new celebrations. To boldly go where no Songmeister has gone before (pardon the split infinitive.)