Devonport Hash House Harriers: Aussie Bike R*n

January 24, 2012

Aussie Bike R*n

The sleepy holiday town of Port Sorell didn't stir as the convoy of motorcycles burbled its way to the rotunda. The township dozed in the hazy warmth as the pack de-leathered, called itself to order and headed off on trail. Down to Panatana Rivulet, past the boats lying all akimbo in the mud, across the bridge, through the desiccated reedy bushland of she-oak and banksia to a Mastercheck, and at last On Home through the streets to the park. Peace reigned as the pack was fed and watered admirably by Hare Ratchet and his barmy catering army. Cash was taken and raffle tickets sold with barely a murmur. Eerily quiet.

At last the lippery was called to order, and the decibels rose as Dint (Gispert Bless Him) stood and delivered his best and worst, irreverently incinerating the Burnie Trash, riling up the likes of Koff to fire her furiously smoking barbs back at him, playing High Beam like a fiddle to extract the high notes, baiting Pioneer to unleash her amazing tact (almost equal to that of the common housebrick), and of course ritually punishing the Hare for his very existence with a small cup of brew. In the midst of the melee, it was reassuring to see that the little man who came and stared at the excessively rowdy pack last year was again hovering in the shrubbery ready to whinge to the authorities about the noise and his loss of amenity. All was well with the world! Goodness knows, Hash has a reputation to uphold! The raffle muffled the noise again somewhat as everyone stopped squawking and rummaged busily for their tickets to prove they had not won the Panetone cake, but definitely had the right one to win the Kinder Surprise.

There was a poultice of birthdays to celebrate - Mullet, Ringo and Cheese (plus Tinsel, had she been in attendance) marked with some very bad singing and a stodgy cake covered in candles and saliva. After heated competition from those theiving Burnie Hashers, Dint presented Cheese with the Hub as a 40th birthday gift.

Next week's r*n is the magnificent and fabulous 1600th, starting from the Oz Rock Inn, Ulverstone and featuring Adam and Eve, so get your Asp along at 6.30 Monday 30th January, and don't forget the fig leaves.

ed. YES, MAKE SURE YOU DRESS UP, Snakes, Apples, Garden of Eden, or just a simple (but large) Fig Leave or two will do!

On! On!
Dini

No comments:

OFFICE BEARERS

Grandmaster – Flasher Joint masters – Tracka & Tinsel Hash hops – Cheese Hash lip – Gyno Lower lip – Crow Hash cash – Bald Eagle Hash monk – Killer Rig raffle – Crow Hash Flash – Rumpole Hash web – Gone again On sec – Shagadelic Trailmasters – Maggie, Flasher Who needs a Hash Monk, haven't had one for years and the sun still shines...

And incidentally,....

1. HASH HOPS: This is unquestionably the most important position in the hash. The Beermeister has the weighty responsibility of making sure that the lifeblood of hashing is available at each and every hash event. He keeps constant vigilance to find the cheapest spirituous fermenti available, always has coolers in the trunk of his car, cases of beer in his garage, and reliably returns the empty keg to get another full one for the next hash. While this might be a "pain in the ass" job, it's undoubtedly the most important one to the hash.

2. GRAND MASTER: The head hasher. The chairman of the board. The big cheese. The HMFIC. The guiding light. Gispert's legacy. The GM is not simply a figure head for the hash, rather (s)he personifies the hash's character (or lack thereof.) (S)he leads with a dynamic strength that permeates the fabric of the organization. Both directly, and through the hash officers, (s)he gives inspiration, direction, and vision to all. This position ranks only below Beermeister, Hash Cash, Hash Mouth, Hash Flash, and On-Sec in real importance to the hash.

3. HASH HAWKER or HABERDASHER: This is a person who has a flair for fashion, a head for business (who said head?), and the showmanship of P.T. Barnum. (S)he's responsible for the design, procurement, warehousing, merchandising, and vending of items of apparel and various trinkets to the hash. Prior flea market or circus midway experience preferred.

4. HARE RAISER: The Hare Raiser makes sure that there's a hare (or hares) for each hash, and that the start location is known to the On-Sec well in advance of hash day for publicity purposes. The Hare Raiser IS the hare if (s)he can't find anyone else to do it.

5. HASH CASH: The holder of the purse-strings. Someone needs to dash about the start of each hash begging for money. Someone has to keep track of what comes in and what goes out (commonly referred to as "the old in and out.") These generally unappreciated duties fall on the shoulders of the Hash Cash. This trustworthy soul must withstand the whining of the Hares who have overspent, the whimpering of those who forgot their fees, and the interrogations of those who mistakenly think there should be some sort of accounting for hash funds.

6. HASH FLASH: The person who captures for posterity all embarrassing hash moments on film. The hash flash must have an acute sense of the absurd to know what to take photos of, and also a small degree of reliability to bring a camera, film, take pictures, have them developed and put only the finest thereof into the sacred photo album.

7. HASH HARLOT: A trashy wench who has seen the dark side of hashing... and likes it! One with a lust for life who, revels in being the butt of the jester's ribald wit, the object of the songster's bawdy lyric, and the centrepiece of sensual repartee at all hash functions.

8. TRAIL MASTER or HASH HORN: Equipment requirements: A bugle or other appropriate wind instrument. Performance venue: The hash trail. Musical ability: Optional.

9. LIP : The hash mouth runs the official business at the On-On with an iron hand. (S)he must be loud, clear, passionate, articulate, humorous and possess an uncommon ability to think on his feet. It also helps if (s)he speaks English.

10. HASHIT KEEPER: This is arguably the most complicated position within the hash hierarchy. The responsibility surrounds custody of a large cardboard box (or entire house) filled with the flotsam and jetsam of past hashes. Precisely why this crap is retained is a mystery shrouded in the mythology of hashdom. However, the hashit itself rarely makes it to the hash, although the custodian is usually there himself. This reinforces the argument that remembering to bring the hashit is probably beyond the cognitive ability of your average hasher.

11. ON-SEC: This position is the masochist's dream. (S)he struggles with piles of paper, miles of computer wire, and might attempt to occasionally produce a Hound Directory or Hash Trash to keep the hash members somewhat informed. (S)he is the principal "outside" representative maintaining the Harrier.Net Worldwide WebSite, the hash membership data base. Boring stuff to say the least.

12. RELIGIOUS ADVISOR: Keeper of the faith. Enforcer of the scriptures. This is the hasher who has seen the light (Bud light) and can taste in his soul the true spirit of Hashing. The religious advisor spreads the word and inspires the zest and zeal of the hash in all participants. Any hasher found transgressing the spirit of hashing is disciplined by the RA. (S)e is the keeper of the sacred Laws of Hashing and comes up with sufficiently plausible lies to cover any serious questions of propriety of actions within the hash.

13. SONGMEISTER: This is a hasher with no self-respect. (S)he never lacks for a song suitable to the occasion. His songs are risqué, lewd, and vulgar. The Songmeister speaks with other hashers and hashes to acquire songs to add to the hash hymnal. The mission is to explore new tunes and new celebrations. To boldly go where no Songmeister has gone before (pardon the split infinitive.)

January 24, 2012

Aussie Bike R*n

No comments:

Notify me of new postings!!

DHASH emails available