Devonport Hash House Harriers

December 14, 2008

Up and cumming….

From the Shameless Division of Cheating the following content was lifted from Burnie's Trash :

December 15th, Monday 6.30 pm—Devonport HHH next r*n set by Bastard
from just south of the Motorcross Track, Dial Road Penguin. On On will be at
Pioneer’s place, Adina Court, Penguin. Bring DH3 usual necessities ($10,
g-string, matching sox, Hub, girlie drinks, pegs, fubar).

December 21st, Sunday 5.30pm—Burnie HHH Red White and Furry
Christmas r*n set by Phay Wray and Urang from the southern (Jones Street)
end of the car park behind the Civic Centre. Dress in your best festive attire,
bring a $5 wrapped present and Christmas food to share. On On will be at
the King Komm Retirement Village, 457 Mooreville Road, Burnie.

December 22nd, Monday 6.30 pm— Christmas R*n,
details TBA,.

Melbourne Zoo had acquired a female of a very rare species of gorilla.

Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle. Upon examination,

the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem.

The Gorilla was on heat..

To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available.

While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Graham, a big Kiwi lad & former

All Black, responsible for fixing the Zoo's machinery. Graham, like most Kiwis, seemed to be

possessed with ample ability to satisfy a female of any species.. So the Zoo administrators

thought they might have a solution.

Graham was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have Sex with the gorilla for

$500?

Graham showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully.

The following day, Graham announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three

conditions:

'Fust,' he said, 'I don't want to have to kuss er.'

'Sicondly, you must niver niver tull anyone about thus.'

The Zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what his third

condition was.

'Wull,' said Graham, 'You gotta give me another week to come up with the $500.

January 31st, 2009, Saturday — H4 2000th R*n @ The Lea Scout Camp. Further details and online registrations at www.h4.org.au
February 6—8, 2009 — NZ Nash Hash, Rootaroa
February 14th, 2009 Saturday—Valentines Day Red Dress R*n, Hobart, supporting Cystic Fibrosis Tasmania. Sixty Five Roses could get you the Valentine of your dreams (in a red dress with hairy legs), plus a great day out.
February 20th-22nd, 2009—Swine 09 Pig Pen Run @ Nugent.
May 1-3, 2009, Fri-Sun — Aussie Nash Hash @ Cairns - registrations now $350 until March 31st 2009.
June 6-8th, 2009—The Highland Fling @ TBA
June 21st, 2009—Burnie Hash House Harriers 1000th R*n— it’s bound to be a long night...
July 1-4, 2010—Sarawak Rainforest Interhash @ Kuching, Borneo.

Of course you can just read the Trash yourself, directly from the horse's mouth, complete with a run report of an ill-attended run on our well-trodden territory (where were we?) and more practical advice and inappropriate humour from Dini Pipalini... <click here>.

December 13, 2008

Mondays Run

Next Monday's Run is at 630pm....

December 12, 2008

Viagra for GoneAgain

Viagra Drug May Help Improve Exercise Capacity In Pulmonary Fibrosis Patients
ScienceDaily (Mar. 13, 2007) — UCLA researchers have found that Viagra may help patients with idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, an incurable disease characterized by progressive scarring in the lungs, which often leads to a lung transplant.

OK, I did not know that Cystic Fibrosis is also known as Pulmonary Fibrosis, but apparently it is. So not only do I have to have a high fat and high salt diet, eat MacDonalds in between meals etc, but next I'll be getting Viagra on prescription? I wonder what the side-effects are! Watch out, growl!

Mr. Again... and again and again...

December 10, 2008

Prickle home and broken

Prickle is back in civilisation and adjusting! The smell of soap and shampoos is overwhelming her as is all the attention of being a proclaimed state heroe! The press, National Geographic and Paddy Pallin have been chasing her relentlessly and she has now gone into hiding with her puss in Forth. She may return to the wilderness when it is wheelchair accessible. She is no longer interested in muesli bars.

In her words: Hi, i made it! I am a bit broken+weary. My headspace is not coping well with ppl+normality.Aargh!

December 9, 2008

Back to Basics

Hare Flasher treated us all to a bit of Fundamentalist hashing (without the need to wear a checked tea towel or carry a loaded nailfile). A thoughtfully set wa*k and r*n, followed by a fry-up and booze On On in the indoors/outdoors of the Otto’s Grotto barby shelter. Giggles picked up early in the r*n (is this one happy hash-man or what?) and later taught Cheese how to swallow (sorry no pix, you had to be there). Well executed circle by Who, and the Hub was awarded – using the Roger Whittaker method - to Cheese for being uglier than his dog - or could it have been for something else? Nah.

OFFICE BEARERS

Grandmaster – Flasher Joint masters – Tracka & Tinsel Hash hops – Cheese Hash lip – Gyno Lower lip – Crow Hash cash – Bald Eagle Hash monk – Killer Rig raffle – Crow Hash Flash – Rumpole Hash web – Gone again On sec – Shagadelic Trailmasters – Maggie, Flasher Who needs a Hash Monk, haven't had one for years and the sun still shines...

And incidentally,....

1. HASH HOPS: This is unquestionably the most important position in the hash. The Beermeister has the weighty responsibility of making sure that the lifeblood of hashing is available at each and every hash event. He keeps constant vigilance to find the cheapest spirituous fermenti available, always has coolers in the trunk of his car, cases of beer in his garage, and reliably returns the empty keg to get another full one for the next hash. While this might be a "pain in the ass" job, it's undoubtedly the most important one to the hash.

2. GRAND MASTER: The head hasher. The chairman of the board. The big cheese. The HMFIC. The guiding light. Gispert's legacy. The GM is not simply a figure head for the hash, rather (s)he personifies the hash's character (or lack thereof.) (S)he leads with a dynamic strength that permeates the fabric of the organization. Both directly, and through the hash officers, (s)he gives inspiration, direction, and vision to all. This position ranks only below Beermeister, Hash Cash, Hash Mouth, Hash Flash, and On-Sec in real importance to the hash.

3. HASH HAWKER or HABERDASHER: This is a person who has a flair for fashion, a head for business (who said head?), and the showmanship of P.T. Barnum. (S)he's responsible for the design, procurement, warehousing, merchandising, and vending of items of apparel and various trinkets to the hash. Prior flea market or circus midway experience preferred.

4. HARE RAISER: The Hare Raiser makes sure that there's a hare (or hares) for each hash, and that the start location is known to the On-Sec well in advance of hash day for publicity purposes. The Hare Raiser IS the hare if (s)he can't find anyone else to do it.

5. HASH CASH: The holder of the purse-strings. Someone needs to dash about the start of each hash begging for money. Someone has to keep track of what comes in and what goes out (commonly referred to as "the old in and out.") These generally unappreciated duties fall on the shoulders of the Hash Cash. This trustworthy soul must withstand the whining of the Hares who have overspent, the whimpering of those who forgot their fees, and the interrogations of those who mistakenly think there should be some sort of accounting for hash funds.

6. HASH FLASH: The person who captures for posterity all embarrassing hash moments on film. The hash flash must have an acute sense of the absurd to know what to take photos of, and also a small degree of reliability to bring a camera, film, take pictures, have them developed and put only the finest thereof into the sacred photo album.

7. HASH HARLOT: A trashy wench who has seen the dark side of hashing... and likes it! One with a lust for life who, revels in being the butt of the jester's ribald wit, the object of the songster's bawdy lyric, and the centrepiece of sensual repartee at all hash functions.

8. TRAIL MASTER or HASH HORN: Equipment requirements: A bugle or other appropriate wind instrument. Performance venue: The hash trail. Musical ability: Optional.

9. LIP : The hash mouth runs the official business at the On-On with an iron hand. (S)he must be loud, clear, passionate, articulate, humorous and possess an uncommon ability to think on his feet. It also helps if (s)he speaks English.

10. HASHIT KEEPER: This is arguably the most complicated position within the hash hierarchy. The responsibility surrounds custody of a large cardboard box (or entire house) filled with the flotsam and jetsam of past hashes. Precisely why this crap is retained is a mystery shrouded in the mythology of hashdom. However, the hashit itself rarely makes it to the hash, although the custodian is usually there himself. This reinforces the argument that remembering to bring the hashit is probably beyond the cognitive ability of your average hasher.

11. ON-SEC: This position is the masochist's dream. (S)he struggles with piles of paper, miles of computer wire, and might attempt to occasionally produce a Hound Directory or Hash Trash to keep the hash members somewhat informed. (S)he is the principal "outside" representative maintaining the Harrier.Net Worldwide WebSite, the hash membership data base. Boring stuff to say the least.

12. RELIGIOUS ADVISOR: Keeper of the faith. Enforcer of the scriptures. This is the hasher who has seen the light (Bud light) and can taste in his soul the true spirit of Hashing. The religious advisor spreads the word and inspires the zest and zeal of the hash in all participants. Any hasher found transgressing the spirit of hashing is disciplined by the RA. (S)e is the keeper of the sacred Laws of Hashing and comes up with sufficiently plausible lies to cover any serious questions of propriety of actions within the hash.

13. SONGMEISTER: This is a hasher with no self-respect. (S)he never lacks for a song suitable to the occasion. His songs are risqué, lewd, and vulgar. The Songmeister speaks with other hashers and hashes to acquire songs to add to the hash hymnal. The mission is to explore new tunes and new celebrations. To boldly go where no Songmeister has gone before (pardon the split infinitive.)