The Southern Hordes are without direction after Grizzly van der Kuunt’s leadership saw them comprehensively creamed by the victorious Boagans in a head-to-balls hard-on this weekend.
Lord Ringo Kitchendraw claimed victory at midnight atop the historic Ross Bridge, and along with several trusted comrades, saluted The Full Moon in the traditional Boagan style.
By Sunday morning, the Cascade Colonials could barely raise a route-march as they were outclassed on all fronts.
-Superior weaponry - Urang called it “a machine for annoying the crap out of Hashers by throwing water bombs at them while making the operator twice as wet”. We called it a catapult.
-Superior drinking skills – Both Anchor Harriettes suffered some spillage, but Hands On was humbled in the Wet T-shirt stakes as Puss in Boots had a bigger catchment area.
-Superior Ironmen – Urang employed his usual table manners to snatch victory from the lesser jaws of Jacques le Shiit. In the rematch, Northern newbie Jayson claimed victory over southern stalwart Crusha by a short half Weetabix.
-Superior Style – tighter shirts, louder music, bongo drums, and sexier underwear.
Lord Ringo commended his troops on their magnificent victory, but warned that, in light of many Boagans’ illiteracy, media manipulation by Southern Boerish Webwankers could see blatant mis-reporting of the battle.
Van der Kuunt is said to have taken refuge at a local